the bedrock of being a man

unpacking the influences to forge a personal code of masculinity.

As I inch closer to a new age, the desire to cement my foundation of the principles of masculinity grows with urgent clarity. In an era where biological gender often feels fluids in its interpretation, my choice to embrace and embody masculinity feels intentional. This isn’t merely about biology; it’s an active decision to inhabit the societal role and expectations traditionally associated with being a man.

I stand, profoundly, on the shoulders on one male figure who has singularly shaped my understanding of our role as men in society: my father. He laid a foundation so firm that I’ve never needed to seek external role models for the masculine frame. However, I wouldn’t attribute the passage of masculine insights from my dad solely to direct teachings on the subject. Instead, he moulded the skeleton of these principles, which I have largely fleshed out through observing his character. hat remains for me is to empirically withdraw these insights from his demeanour, daily. Naturally, as one comes of age and transcends childhood, you encounter certain perils and secrets that you don’t feel particularly confident sharing with your parents, let alone your father. nd so, the inevitable journey begins: you traverse the web, often falling down the rabbit hole of online gurus. Others boys find themselves walking this path alone, simply because they were dealt the unfortunate hand of fatherly absenteeism due to adverse circumstances.

The digital divide: Red v Blue Pill

My own online exploration led me to a pivotal text: Rollo Tomassi’s The Rational Male. This book genuinely revolutionised my perspective on a man’s role in society, completely opening my eyes to the nuances that animate the dynamic of heterosexual relationships. It drew compelling parallels between the world of PUA (pick-up artistry) and the observed reality of mate choice hypergamy—the feminine tendency to be attracted to horizontal equals or vertical superiors, often seeking partners of equal or higher status.

The rush of sheer dopamine I experienced upon realising that my crush not linking me back wasn’t solely attributed to my high-pitched voice and teletubby-coded stature was astronomical. It liberated me. More importantly, it ignited a fierce curiosity about what I could do for myself to relentlessly elevate my own chances, to subtly shift the power equilibrium in my favour. Graciously, I was somewhat successful, and the odds began to tilt. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for some of the women I encountered during this period. My symphathies While Rollo’s ideologies undeniably drove me towards self-improvement, they simultaneously preached the adverse views at the polar extreme end of the masculinity spectrum.

At the time, such views were synonymous with the “manosphere” or “red-pill'“ community—an expansive online repository of forums that often amplify men’s issues with an underlying anti-feminist sentiment. On the other hand, the opposing camp, was considered “blue-pill” or “beta-male” or “incels”. Key proponents of red-pill views include figures like Fresh & Fit, who have battled significant controversies. I believe this collection of ideologies forms the bedrock from which Andrew Tate’s philosophy on masculinity largely originates. Clearly, you can see where I’m going with this. While this content odes possess certain merits, especially in enforcing positive traits that should characterise a man, such as hard work, independence, stoicism, mental and physical fortitude, and discipline, the manner in which it is often disseminated dilutes its positive message. My biggest fear is a naive young man, much like my former self, landing on such content as their sole compass because they lacked a suitable guide to show them the ropes.

Pillars of masculinity: 4Ps

Purpose, Provision, Protection, Procreation

From my discoveries, I have distilled the very bone marrow within the meat of the entire concept of being a man into core pillars. [Courtesy of the 3Ps from the art of manliness]

Purpose: This speaks to finding and committing to a calling greater than oneself. It provides direction, drives ambition, and offers a profound sense of meaning.

Provision: The mandate to fend and gather resources. This is not strictly about financial accumulation, but about the capability to secure and provide for onelse and, eventually, for those you care about. It’s about self-sufficiency and the ability to contribute.

Protection: This pillar extends beyond physical safeguarding. It encompasses protecting one’s integrity, one’s family, one’s values, and the vulnerable. It’s about being a bulwark against harm, whether external or internal. The pursuit of this will trap you in a gym for 5 days a week.

Procreation: This pillar encompasses more than just biological reproduction; it speaks to the mandate of extending one’s legacy and contributing to the future, whether through progeny, ideas, or sustained impact. In the journey to form lasting bonds and attract a suitable mate, man inherently cultivates qualities like charisma, empathy, and likability. These aren’t merely means to an end; they become transferable traits that develop and serve him in countless other spheres of life such as the boardroom, far beyond the primal drive to “trap” a partner. It’s about building and leaving something enduring behind.

Of course, this is not the end-all, be-all of masculinity. the roles and expectations continues to evolve as time wears on. However, I believe that the roles to which masculinity will evolve will not stray far from these founding principles. In striving to achieve these broader goals, you inevitably realise that you are enhancing other aspects of your life as deeply positive by-products.

Stoicism

I believe that the pursuit of the greater purpose encapsulated by the 4Ps is fundamentally catalysed by an unwavering and fortified grounding in stillness. Regardless of the circumstances you are dealt, you must strive to remain the firmest soldier. Like Job in the Bible, or the unwavering resolve of Victor Frankl in the face of unimaginable suffering, true strength is revealed when one can embody the essence of Rudyard Kipling’s “IF”:

If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat these two imposters the same…

Status

This steadfastness is crucial, especially when navigating the relentless human quest for status. Feeding back into mate choices by females, the underlying rationale behind power, capitalism, and much of the societal striving is predominantly rooted in the search for status. To be perceived as part of the upper echelon of society. This isen’t just about resourcefulness per se, but about the ability to influence world events and shape one’s environment. Robert Greene vividly emphasizes how status is garnered through many of the 48 Laws of Power.

• Law 1: Never outshine your master

• Law 5: Guard your reputation

• Law 6: Court attention at all costs

…and so forth.

It disheartens me deeply when men, as a coalition, are ostracised and collectively frowned upon as the underlying cause of the world’s woes. Nonetheless, given the chance to choose again, I’d wake up as a man any day and still glorify the mandate to shoulder such responsibilities.

…

May you be in Heaven a full hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

…

3 Learnings

1. Unwavering confidence in God’s ability: “I assure you that whoever tells that hill to get up and throw itself in the sea and does not doubt in his heart, but believe that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.”

Mark 11:23

2. "petite mort” is French for orgasm. It directly translates to little death.

The Way of the Superior man by David Deida

3. Negative risk: In prediction-based markets, this arises in situations with a single winner but multiple losers, like betting on a presidential election. While you can place “yes/no” bets on each candidate, the ‘negative risk’ strategy involves betting against the contenders who are highly likely to lose. This approach allows you to capitalize on the high probability of their failure, providing a relatively simple way to secure returns or minimize risk, irrespective of who ultimately wins.

Gonzo Capitalism by Chris Guillebeau